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Out of Control

Time has a way of slipping away from me. I feel like I am always chasing time and trying to grab on to the coattails as it races past me. This theme has appeared more than once in my art.

I became a photographer when I realized that I could keep time from disappearing. One click of the shutter and that bit of a moment was mine to keep. I may not be able to control time but I can, (in a sense), stop it and savor it for as long as I want. I can even change it into something it wasn't.

I do enjoy that sense of control in a time when I feel like I can't control too much of anything else. That's where art comes to the rescue. I see and hear the chaos in the world, our country and in my small town. It appears like everyone and everything is out of control and it continues to grow.

I really do try to pay attention to the things that I can control and not get lost in the muck of it all. And there is a lot of muck out there. I get distracted and feel a huge sense of unrest and anxiety from time to time. The only thing that can help me get back to my center and give me some sense of control is in my small studio.

This is where I come to get away from it all. I can shut my door, put on some music and begin to piece together the puzzle of what is stirring within my psyche. That is how almost all of my art is created. It comes from a deep place within. I'm never quite sure what will show up and there are times when not much of anything shows up without a lot of coaxing.

Coaxing is a process of going through images file by file until something clicks. I can pull it up on the monitor and begin to create something new with it or it may not really be speaking to me and out it goes. The process begins again. Now, I need to explain that I have 10's of thousands of images to look through. That may give you an idea of how long the first stage of the process can take.

There are lots of other days, especially after a successful photo session, where the first image I select takes off and keeps soaring until I know it is complete. That is usually because I have a concept in mind before or during the photo session. There is a synergy that develops between the model and I. The session becomes more like a dance with us each knowing the next step. I love when that happens. There is a sense of flow that takes control and I, happily, give into the flow losing all sense of time.

Those are a few things that I can control and they help me stay in the moments where I need to be.

I was reading about how the human collective appears to have lost the deep connection to earth and spirit. The majority of people are overwhelmed with trying to survive financially and have forgotten how to nourish the soul and protect and honor the earth. There is an imbalance happening and that is the cause for the current chaos. That makes sense to me.

What can I do? I can take photographs, go into my studio and create art that I hope offers healing and inspiration. I can also spend more time with loved ones and enjoy every moment with a deep appreciation of nature and the time I have and not worry so much about control.

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